


The Portrait

by beformista



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: Gen, Leonard of Quirm's artwork
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 06:42:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29729892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beformista/pseuds/beformista
Summary: "What's this?" asked Vimes picking up a thin rectangular package from the table."Oh, the people from the Patrician's Palace came by, said it's a present from Leonard of Quirm. Isn't it nice of him?" cheerfully explained Sybil.
Kudos: 13





	The Portrait

"What's this?" asked Vimes picking up a thin rectangular package from the table.

"Oh, the people from the Patrician's Palace came by, said it's a present from Leonard of Quirm. Isn't it nice of him?" cheerfully explained Sybil. The combination of 'thin rectangular package' and 'Leonard of Quirm' registered in Vimes's head, and he froze, clutching it in his fingers, dreading seeing his own face immortalized on a piece of canvas. Knowing Leonard, it would probably pick up a habit of cursing anyone who comes by. Much more carefully and slowly than before he tore away the wrapping paper. The Patrician's face stared at him from the painting. Vimes blushed. 

"Oh, it's Havelock," exclaimed Sybil standing next to her husband to look at the portrait. "It's a lovely painting. Such a striking resemblance. He looks so soft here." Vimes looked at the portrait that in no way evoked the word 'soft' and let out an incomprehensible but not really disagreeing sound. "Let's put it in the dining room," suggested Sybil.

***

About two weeks later, under the cover of night* Vimes transferred the Portrait from their dining room to his office. His reasoning being here that his gesture still stayed in the safe borders of not rejecting the gift, while saving him from indigestion that was caused by Vetinari's careful eyes following his every move. Considering how much time he usually spent in his office, he didn't expect he'd be seeing the Patrician, drawn or otherwise, more than usually.

Naturally, Lord Vetinari couldn't think of a better time to start asking written report after written report on various activities of the Watch***. Vimes felt Vetinari's piercing gaze on his face. Vimes blushed. Vimes ground his teeth. Vimes kept writing the blasted reports.

***

The first time Fred Colon entered his office after the Portrait appeared, he saw it, he flinched, he bowed, he refused to enter ever since. Vimes cheerfully thought that maybe the Portrait wasn't all bad.

***

"Is that the famous portrait?" asked Angua, pointing at the bane of Vimes's existence. "He looks very... serious."

"...sad," finished Sally at the same time as her. Angua flinched. They've met each other's eyes. A little cheeky smirk with a hint of hopefulness appeared on Sally's lips. Angua blushed. A few moments of uncomfortable silence that Vimes steadfastly refused to be a part of they've left his office, never mentioning what they came there for in the first place.

***

"Did you know that it is now considered fashionable to have the Patrician's portrait in your establishment?" commented Carrot a few days later. 

Ah, thought Vimes. Of course, you can always rely on Carrot to provide a little bit of trivia about anything. Then, his mind processed what was this little bit of trivia that Carrot just voiced, and he felt his face physically constricting from future pain he expected to experience entering any building in Ankh-Morpork from now on. He figured Vetinari hadn't posed for any of those, too. They were probably bloody awful. Huh, thought Vimes, on second thought, that could be hilarious. 

***

"Hm," said Vetinari, looking through the last of the reports. "You've repeated this part three times, Sir Samuel." Vimes grunted something agreeable, looking at the spot on the wall three inches above the Patrician's head. "And it seems to be unfinished," continued Vetinari, flipping through the pages.

"Oh fucking hell," Vimes breathed out, noticing in satisfaction as Vetinari flinched, surprised, and raised his head to look at him. "You've won," admitted Vimes and stormed out of the office.

"Where are you going?" he heard the Patrician, whose voice carefully shadowed the line of outright yelling, as he slammed the door.

"I've a portrait to pose for," Vimes answered under his breath.

* Not like a thief**, though, because that would've been hard to pull off when your wife knew you're working nights even before you got married.

** Then again, if the person in question would be anyone other than the Commander of the Watch, trying that could also get you in trouble with the Guild.

*** Vimes suspected foul play, of course, with that barely-there amused smirk that Vetinari has met his every report with. But he valued that weird equilibrium they seemed to have reached too much to say anything out loud.


End file.
